It was not difficult to deduce that the "few days ago" he mentioned was the day we had conversed about my death.
When I did not answer, Xenon spoke again.
"That the goddess lends you her power explains the potency. But wielding such power cannot come without a price."
"Well, this is different from magical power or divine power."
"I do not believe in divine mercy. Gods are impartial bystanders."
His attitude was uncharacteristically cynical for Xenon. He fell silent for a moment, frowning as if recalling something, then let out a shallow sigh.
Then he resumed his steps, which had paused briefly.
His pace was markedly slower than Samuel's. Thanks to that, the distance between Samuel and us widened considerably.
"But to say the power Lady Anelli uses is divine... from my perspective, it seems highly suspicious."
"I told you. I'm doing things I couldn't accomplish in my past life."
"Yes, which could mean that a price unpaid in your past life is being paid by the present Lady Anelli."
A price unpaid in a past life... could that be the proxy's annihilation? Because Samuel made me into a human soul, that price went unpaid.
Though unlike then, I am human now, so presumably my soul could reincarnate.
It's a pity that reincarnation presupposes death.
"Are you still keeping Samuel's words in mind?"
"Did you think I would forget them overnight?"
Xenon stopped walking again, his lips quirking up as if he'd heard something absurd.
His gaze, turned toward me, fell upon my lowered hands.
Specifically, on my hands, which had turned pale with dust from wielding my authority all the way here.
"Wanting to know what kind of affair requires death as collateral, I requested materials from the Magic Tower."
Xenon abruptly broke the silence and slowly extended his hand. He lightly grasped the tips of my soiled fingers and lifted them.
"My master always emphasized that the Magic Tower is the true repository of knowledge... Yet I could find not a single clue related to the phenomena Lady Anelli experiences. Dying and coming back to life, conversing with Monsters, conversing with animals—all of it."
"Well, it's a rare case."
"Indeed. Since you were beheaded and resurrected, I thought perhaps there might be information related to miracles performed by gods, but there was none. Even if there had been, my master would likely have sold it to the Temple long ago."
Xenon rubbed the tips of my fingers with his thumb. I could see the gritty particles of dirt transferring from my skin to his hand.
"I wanted to eliminate the possibility of death, but I couldn't find anything."
No wonder it seemed his correspondence with the Magic Tower had increased so much these past few days.
I wondered if I should offer some consolation for his troubles, but Xenon continued without waiting for my reply.
"Seeing the power you wielded today, it wouldn't be strange if the price for this power were death. Frankly, it seems very plausible."
The hand holding mine tightened. It was a firm grip, not enough to break free from.
"...In this situation, it wouldn't seem strange if you were to die."
He whispered, his voice barely audible, and pulled my hand toward him. His lips brushed against the soiled tips of my fingers.
It seemed like a light kiss that would quickly withdraw, but his lips pressed down firmly once more. This time, a little higher.
Over the ring he had given me, Xenon pressed his lips as if stamping a seal.
"As I said, it might not be the case."
"Do you wish it were not?"
With his lips still pressed, Xenon glanced up. His subdued golden eyes stared directly at me.
Do I wish it were not? That I do not die...?
Since it's not a matter I can decide anyway, is there a need to choose one side?
Somehow, I felt that voicing such thoughts would only provoke Xenon's anger again. I had no desire to start an argument here, at the very end, after coming all this way.
Fortunately, Xenon did not press for an answer and changed the subject.
"There's something I'm curious about, Lady Anelli."
"Yes."
"How far into the future have you imagined, Lady Anelli?"
"What kind of question is that?"
"After your resurrection. I'm asking about imagining the future, not just watching the world end while eating pastries. It doesn't have to be grand. Just... things like that. What kind of family you might have in a few years, what face you'll grow old with, where you'll live in your later years. Those kinds of things."
It was a sudden question. So, without thinking, I pondered an answer to Xenon's query.
Before my resurrection—that is, when I was striving to become Empress—I had certainly thought about such futures.
'Marriage to Maxel, the imperial grandchildren that would be born between Maxel and me, the Empress's palace where I would reside for life. Those... everyday things.'
But after my resurrection, I hadn't properly thought about a single thing.
Vaguely, to escape everything pursuing me, I had imagined some far-off country geographically.
Perhaps sensing the implied answer in my silence, Xenon slowly nodded.
"You don't necessarily have to imagine it."
"Your imagination would be more interesting than mine."
This conversation was uncomfortable. For reasons unknown, a strange awkwardness arose, and I forcefully pulled back my captured hand. Xenon readily released me.
In the distance, I could see Samuel, who had gotten far ahead, standing still and waiting for us.
I turned my body as if to hurry, but Xenon strode ahead with wide steps, overtaking me.
"I haven't either."
His mutter, uttered in a casual tone, was so quiet I almost missed it.
My eyes widened, but Xenon walked swiftly ahead as if there was no more to discuss.
I, who had intended to hurry, instead came to a halt.
'He hasn't either?'
...Why?
* * *
Xenon let out a small sigh.
He had just revealed a fragment of his past, which he had intended to shed entirely.
It was quite impulsive and unnecessary. He wasn't a child, yet he couldn't control his momentary emotions—what was this?
Continuing to berate himself inwardly, Xenon finally strode out of the tent.
"Not a child."
On top of being constantly treated as weak, he wondered if he would now be misunderstood as having a gloomy disposition.
'Ah, perhaps it's not a misunderstanding.'
Xenon, sitting haphazardly before the weakened campfire, wiped his face dry.
Ever since hearing Samuel's words, Xenon found himself thinking whenever he saw Anelli. About Anelli's absence.
He had tried repeatedly to regain his composure, but it was useless.
How could he act normally after hearing such a thing?
'And just earlier...'
Continuing this train of thought would only lead to frustration.
Xenon wiped his face dry once more and stared blankly at the campfire.
From afar, the cry of some unknown beast could be heard. In the past, he might have been frightened by that sound.
Now, it just... though he couldn't understand it, somehow it felt like it was cursing and mocking him.
'Stupid, or fool, or idiot, or whatever. It feels like I've done something so pointless even a beast would look down on me.'
It seemed he had seen Anelli conversing with animals far too often.
"Not sleeping?"
Xenon, who had buried his face in his hands, abruptly looked up. Anelli was emerging, having pushed aside the flap of her own tent.
"What woke you?"
"The Monsters are being noisy."
So it wasn't a beast crying, but Monsters making a racket.
Learning this not-particularly-curious fact, Xenon followed Anelli with his eyes.
Anelli, with her loosely draped coat tightly clutched in one hand, placed her palm on the ground.
In the darkness, a green light shimmered and crept outward, spreading around the campsite.
"Didn't you kill all the Monsters around here earlier?"
It was Anelli who had transformed the originally grotesque, tentacle-filled ground into a clearing wide enough to pitch three tents.
In response to Xenon's question, Anelli answered slowly.
"It seems a territorial fight broke out nearby. To prevent them from fleeing this way and causing trouble, I'm leaving a strong presence as a threat."
At first, she seemed cautious, but now her use of power was utterly unhesitant.
If the power Anelli had used just today were converted into magic, any mage would have fainted from the strain.
Regardless of the amount of magical power, she had used her power too incessantly and for too long.
Keeping his gaze on the green light, Xenon recalled the day's events. The Monsters touched by that light died quietly. They withered without any resistance.
There was no magic that could take life so quietly and peacefully.
Of course, he had never heard of any poison capable of such a thing either.
"I'll cast a barrier around us, so you can stop."
"Your magic is consumptive; my authority is unlimited."
"Because you'll pay the price."
"Yes, that might be the case."
Hearing Anelli's indifferent voice, Xenon bit his lip. Only now, in the dim campfire light, did he see how impassive Anelli's face was.
He had been elated by the progress in his relationship with Anelli and remained oblivious.
He was happy that someone precious had entered his life. Intoxicated by that feeling, he had made a grave mistake.
He thought that because she was generous and soft only toward him, she would come if he pulled.
But that person was not an ordinary woman.
"I overlooked something."
"What?"
"What kind of love Lady Anelli had in the past."
Anelli, who had been focused on wielding her authority, looked up.
A puzzled emotion flickered in her eyes as she looked back at Xenon.
"What?"
"It's fine. Even if I cannot become your tomorrow."
Throughout the journey here, Xenon had kept thinking. About Anelli's absence. About a future without Anelli.
"I will be content with the present."
Anelli's brow furrowed slightly. She lifted her hand completely from the ground and began to rise as if to approach Xenon.
But she halted her movement abruptly at Xenon's next words.
"If you wish to die, then die."
Anelli quietly stared at him. Xenon did not avoid her gaze.
"If that is easier for you, then you should do so. How could I possibly stop you?"
In the imperial palace's artificial pond, Xenon had once overheard a conversation between Maxel and Anelli.
He had heard Anelli say that she might once have gladly given her heart to Maxel.
Anelli, who loved Maxel, had tried to become the perfect Empress for him.
And now, she loved him.
Yes, she loved him.
That's why she says she won't harm his tomorrow. Offering everything to the one she loves to deliver a perfect future—that is how this woman expresses love.
While being perfectly willing to discard her own future without a second thought.
Xenon pulled up the corners of his mouth. His mind, which had been trapped in a labyrinth with no exit, finally reached a conclusion.
"I can just follow you in death."
If pulling won't bring her, then I must follow.