“……As I said before, I am content with Anelli.”
“Not me, but Lady Anelli.”
Xenon, who had flatly denied my words, furrowed his brow.
“That so-called rest, Lady Anelli will also attain it, won’t she? That means……”
Xenon bit his lip hard. His face, seen up close, looked somewhat pained.
“It means you too will vanish before my eyes, just like they did.”
The quickly muttered words were almost a soliloquy. Perhaps he was clenching his teeth, for Xenon’s jaw bulged.
As if holding something back, Xenon, who had been straining his jaw with great effort, forced a smile.
“Even if I were to follow soon after, that is. Having to see that first is, well.”
He scratched the back of his head and then slumped down on the spot. After planting himself firmly on the floor, he let out a sigh-laced voice as he concluded.
“I need to prepare my heart.”
I stood and gazed down at Xenon. From above, the crown of his head, disheveled into a complete mess, was plainly visible.
He wasn’t the type to be particularly well-groomed even normally, but judging by the state of it, it seemed he had roughly run his hands through his hair many times before I arrived.
Unthinkingly, I reached out toward that hair, then hesitated and withdrew my hand.
Instead, I crouched down beside Xenon. Ignoring the puzzled gaze I felt from beside me, I drew up my knees, rested my chin on them, and stared vacantly into the empty air.
“My Dullahans, who cherish me, are disappearing. At the end of this, I will be left alone.”
When would Mori’s rest be? It wouldn’t be strange at all if he regained his head right on the steps above us.
“Everyone will disappear.”
Like in the dream the Rusalka had shown me.
To shake off the melancholy creeping up to my throat, I squeezed my eyes shut and then opened them. Then, I stretched one hand out to the side.
“……Will you hold my hand?”
I still did not look at him. But I could feel him persistently observing me.
Soon, thick, sturdy fingers entwined themselves between mine. The grip that interlocked and pulled tight was firm.
Xenon didn’t say anything special, but just holding hands made me guess what he wanted to convey to me, and a laugh escaped.
“Xenon, do you think there is a place for me somewhere in this land?”
“Of course.”
It was a somewhat daunting question for me, but Xenon nodded immediately as if stating the easiest answer.
“Where?”
“By my side.”
Unconsciously, I turned to look at him with a drained expression. Thinking he might be joking, but Xenon wore a more serious expression than ever.
Of course, the strength in our interlocked hands remained the same.
Perhaps…… maybe I was truly underestimating Xenon’s heart.
He seemed to have no intention of leaving me alone. Whatever my end might be.
Was that why? The inner thoughts I had never properly voiced until now flowed out without any difficulty.
“The reason I’ve continued this journey without hesitation until now is because I didn’t care what lay at its end.”
Because I had no expectations for life whatsoever. Because meeting anyone, anywhere, held no meaning for me.
I swallowed dryly and slowly lowered my gaze. After quietly staring at Xenon’s hand gripping mine tightly, I raised my head again to look at his face.
The sticky fear I had deliberately ignored and turned away from was gradually rising to the surface. I know this feeling.
Because I’ve already experienced it.
“But now I’m afraid. Afraid that I might die.”
When I received the terminal diagnosis, I desperately searched for a way out.
Brushing off those who scolded me, saying it would be better to rest and recuperate, I tried my utmost to gain some certainty that I wouldn’t die.
I back then…… was truly terrified.
Of my death, abruptly pronounced, of the love I would lose because of it, of everything I cherished.
Chased by the shadow of death tightening its grip right before my eyes, I couldn’t think rationally.
Now, I am feeling the same emotion as I did then.
I don’t know since when, but it’s because this resurrected life has become rather precious to me.
Clenching my molars, I grasped Xenon’s hand in return. Following his lead, I squeezed his hand tightly, looked into his eyes, and declared.
“But I will not die.”
I will attain the rest I desire. As the knights did, so shall I.
“So Xenon, you must wait. Even if I vanish before your eyes.”
Anxiety settled into his golden eyes, which had widened in surprise. I gripped his hand even tighter.
“You must be there when I open my eyes again.”
“……You’re not lying?”
“Yes.”
Xenon, who had been staring intently at our joined hands, let out a long sigh.
Then he leaned toward me, gave a light kiss, and whispered in a low voice.
“Please return quickly.”
Xenon’s lips were right in front, so with every word he spoke, his hot breath touched me.
“I will decorate this castle well in the meantime.”
At his words, I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. The magic he had wrought in the imperial garden to commemorate our kiss flashed through my mind.
If it’s Xenon, he could probably transform even this ruin of a castle into something quite beautiful.
“Yes, you have always shown me splendid sights. You will do so this time as well.”
“I’m glad you know. I’m good at that sort of thing.”
“For our first kiss, you commemorated it with a magical garden. How about commemorating our reunion this time?”
“Reunion? We’re not even parting in the first place, what reunion is there to commemorate?”
Xenon lightly retorted, pondered for a moment, and then shrugged his shoulders.
“For now, let’s decorate this castle as much as possible, and after Lady Anelli returns, we can do something worth commemorating.”
“Ha!”
This time, the laugh came out a bit louder. Xenon laughed along with me. After the laughter came another playful kiss.
It was a sweet respite, however brief, that made me forget all circumstances.
* * *
Around the time I returned after briefly bantering with Xenon, Samuel also came down alone.
He said he had gone to check for any potential dangers that might be on the upper floors. But in my opinion, he probably went to reminisce about the past.
Lately, Samuel had become noticeably less talkative and spent longer periods lost in thought.
There was no need to outwardly reveal my speculation, so I simply nodded and let it pass.
We set off again, with Samuel leading the way. The stone steps spiraled up in a long line, and the distance between floors was greater than expected, requiring quite a climb.
[I-Is it not heavy?]
Mori suddenly asked. It seemed he had misunderstood, perhaps because I was breathing heavily from climbing the steeper-than-expected stairs.
I looked down at the pocket containing Mori with a bewildered expression.
“Are you?”
Perhaps realizing his own question was a bit odd, Mori subtly averted his gaze.
Then, as if he had thought of a plausible excuse, he suddenly lifted his head.
[If I suddenly regain my head, wh-what if…….]
“If that happens, the pocket would tear first. Before I even have a chance to feel your weight.”
Mori, who had been momentarily triumphant, embarrassedly lowered his head again.
It was absurd that his attempt to consider me resulted in such nonsense, but it was far better to see him show even this strange enthusiasm. I gently patted Mori’s head with my fingertip.
“If you were heavy, I wouldn’t have carried you around.”
At my words, relief settled into Mori’s large eyes.
Mori, left alone, was holding up more steadfastly than expected.
Whether it was due to Nadav’s last-minute advice before he disappeared, or a sense of responsibility as the last remaining knight, I couldn’t tell.
Either way, it was unexpected to me.
To anyone, Mori was the most fragile of the knights, he couldn’t hide his gloom whenever parting with the knights, and he had even cried alone in the pocket.
But now, truly alone, Mori neither cried nor grew despondent.
He simply watched over me more, and tried his best to look after my convenience.
“But Mori, you possessed all your memories from the beginning, didn’t you?”
[Y-yes.]
“Then you must already know the place where you will regain your head. Why are you suddenly worried about regaining it?”
[Ah…….]
Mori, who had been hesitating, cautiously opened his mouth.
[Actually, not all knights regained their heads at the exact place where they d-died…….]
“……Is that so?”
[Yes, yes. For example, Minte didn’t die in the watchtower, but beneath it, and my brother also…… precisely, he died blocking the stairway with his body…….]
I nodded.
So, in other words, according to Mori, the knights’ heads existed at the place where they died, or where their lingering thoughts remained strong.
“Then where did you think your head would be?”
[Uh…….]
As if his words were stuck, Mori couldn’t readily speak.
No matter how much he remembered everything, was asking him to speak of that place of death too cruel?
I was about to tell him to just forget it when Mori answered in a cautious tone.
[In f-front of the main tower entrance.]
“……In front of the main tower entrance?”
Was he in charge of the main tower entrance?
But Zigore was with Nadav, so it seemed unlikely they would have stationed Mori outside alone.
With a puzzled expression, I tilted my head, and Mori hesitantly added.
[Because my breath…… was cut off there.]
I abruptly halted my steps, which had been slow but steady.
Xenon, following behind, asked what was wrong, but I had no mind to answer.
I heard the footsteps of Samuel, who had been a few steps ahead, also stop.
As the footsteps echoing through the stairway passage vanished all at once, Mori’s voice became even clearer.
[I fell from the top of the main tower and died from the fall.]
The voice recounting the moment of his own death was terribly calm.