Was Xenon perhaps the type who couldn’t bear being alone?
Considering his usually timid disposition, it seemed plausible that he might find nights spent alone in his room frightening.
As I was lost in such thoughts, he abruptly asked,
“And you, Lady Anelli?”
“What about me?”
“The nightmares—have you not shaken them off yet?”
“If they were so easily shaken off, they wouldn’t be called nightmares.”
My reply came out somewhat curt. Xenon, who had been staring up at me while lying down, sat up fully, leaning his back against the headboard.
“May I ask what they were about?”
Following his lead, I sat up leaning against the headboard as well and pondered for a moment.
‘Even if I told him about my past life or being the goddess’s proxy…’
I couldn’t imagine how he would take my words. Would he dismiss them as absurd?
Glancing briefly at Xenon, who was quietly awaiting my answer, I slowly parted my lips.
“It was a dream… about my past.”
“Related to that strange Crown Prince?”
“A more distant past.”
I gave a short reply and turned my head. Gazing at the silent scenery of the room, I asked in an indifferent tone,
“Do you believe in past lives?”
“……Well, it’s not something I’ve ever considered.”
Perhaps because he didn’t catch the intent behind my question, Xenon’s answer was cautious.
“Right. I hadn’t considered it either. Nor was I interested.”
The goddess’s proxy, who sacrificed herself to save all things.
I had always believed she and I were different. That’s why I grew angry at the Dullahans who seemed to find her in me, and pushed away Samuel, who tried to impose the emotions he held for her onto me.
But was that truly the right thing? Is it a phenomenon one can reject simply by refusing it?
“But then I learned of a past life I wasn’t even curious about, and even ended up dreaming about it, losing sleep over it.”
I added.
Xenon pondered for a moment before murmuring calmly,
“It seems it wasn’t a pleasant past life.”
“It wasn’t a matter of pleasant or not.”
At my words, Xenon paused.
Especially today, the sense of kinship I felt just before waking left a deeper resonance than I had anticipated.
Perhaps merely accepting that I had such a past life wasn’t enough. Perhaps even now, I too must vow to some form of nobility, just as she did in her past life.
“She… if I must put it into words, I suppose you could say she was holy. And the result of such a person being reborn is me—I truly wonder if this is right.”
Muttering with a bitter smile, I lowered my gaze and quietly looked at my own two hands.
Flickering like pale wisps of smoke, they seemed as though they might vanish at any moment.
It felt as if it were telling me that this was the nature of ‘Anelli Roam’s’ existence.
As if someone were telling me that the true one was the goddess’s proxy, and all subsequent reincarnations were merely lives of passing shadows.
Now that I know of my past life, I should accept being the goddess’s proxy and act as I did then…
“I don’t know what your past life was like, but there’s no need to feel guilty for not being the same person as you were then.”
My prolonged train of thought was cut off. The moment I lifted my eyes, I met Xenon’s gaze, who had been watching me intently.
His eyes showed not a trace of confusion or hesitation.
It was likely something he could say precisely because he didn’t know. Yet, I asked him,
“What if I was resurrected to live like my past life?”
It was a question he couldn’t possibly answer. Yet, unexpectedly, Xenon replied to my words with surprising ease.
“Even if that were the case, why should you care?”
Tilting his head with a puzzled expression, Xenon narrowed his brow and continued in a firm tone,
“Even if Lady Anelli’s resurrection is connected to that past life, you are distinctly a different person. How could anyone expect the same actions?”
Though it was exactly what I had been thinking all along, hearing it from someone else’s mouth made it sound unfamiliar.
Staring blankly at Xenon, I looked down at my hands again.
I am an illusion now, but this is merely… a communication spell, so there’s no reason to fear.
Xenon was right. I am Anelli Roam, a different person from the goddess’s proxy. Even if I must fulfill some unfinished duty from my past life, the method wouldn’t necessarily be the same.
“Right. Rather than wallowing in indecisive worries, it’s better to judge things productively. I should quickly forget useless nightmares.”
Though not entirely cleared, it helped steady my mind.
As I quietly regulated my breathing and tried to empty my thoughts, Xenon, who had been quietly observing my complexion, suddenly posed a question.
“Shall I help you more proactively?”
“How?”
Xenon gripped the headboard, tilted his upper body sideways, and turned. His gaze instantly rose higher than mine.
A shadow drew near, close enough to fall over my face.
‘……!’
……It was a kiss from which I could feel no touch, yet could hear his breath.
I wasn’t sure whether to call it touching or not touching.
I felt the illusion of his breath, exhaled like a sigh, flowing into my mouth.
“Perhaps I should adjust it with a more precise spell.”
Muttering discontentedly, he tilted his head again.
A sigh full of regret sounded all too close.
“They say what you see before falling asleep can determine the content of your dreams. If that’s true, then I will dream of you, Lady Anelli.”
So now…
“You’re telling me to dream of you?”
He didn’t answer, but it was tantamount to a silent affirmation.
It was truly an audacious thing to say.
Me, dreaming of Xenon?
Xenon in my dreams?
Unable to reply, I could only blink, when he leaned back with a regretful expression and clicked his tongue.
“Ah, time’s up.”
There was no need to ask what he meant. Along with dizziness, my vision began to sway violently.
This was a sensation I had felt once before.
“Next time, you must let me hear your breath.”
Xenon’s voice, mixed with a sigh, reached my ears as they grew muffled.
Finally, my vision blurred, and the moment it was engulfed in white light, a heavy sensation returned to my entire body.
The soft touch of bedding against my skin, the warm air entering my nose with each breath, the occasional crackle of embers from the fireplace…
As the sense of reality returned to my floating, detached senses, I suddenly felt as if something immense had descended upon me. My mind was utterly blank.
Blinking my eyes with effort, a different scenery from before filled my vision.
It was the Roam mansion.
“Ah.”
As if I had returned from strenuous exercise, there was not an ounce of energy left in my body.
Lying almost sprawled out, I stared blankly at the ceiling. This novel communication spell, experienced for the first time in my life, was exceedingly fatiguing.
“At least I’ll sleep well now…”
It was a relief. I didn’t have the stamina to stay up all night ruminating over my exchange with Xenon.
Though only a few minutes had passed since returning to my room, I could feel my eyelids growing heavier.
Just before falling asleep, the last thing that surfaced in my mind was Xenon’s words.
「They say what you see before falling asleep can determine the content of your dreams.」
Perhaps, just perhaps,
For the remaining time, I might dream of Xenon.
* * *
The Temple, which had seen no major incidents for a while since the appearance of the Resurrected One, made a grand announcement for the first time in ages.
Based on newly discovered historical records, they revealed a discourse concerning the chaotic present era.
And in that discourse, the Temple explicitly declared that ‘Dullahans’ were an evil plaguing this land.
‘My prophecy was right after all!’
Lilia couldn’t contain her swelling heart and clenched her fists tightly.
She had told a few people about her returned prophetic abilities. Among them was the Duchess of Roam.
The Duchess of Roam had gone out for social activities today. Surely everyone present would hear the Temple’s announcement, and the Duchess would learn that Lilia hadn’t been lying.
With a joyful heart, Lilia paced by the window.
For the past few days, she had been holed up in her room, unable to engage in proper external activities as she gauged the situation.
But she had no doubt that once the Duchess of Roam returned home, she would summon her again.
For this moment, she didn’t even mind Anelli’s watchful eye.
It was true that Anelli had begun secretly meddling in the affairs of Roam Ducal Manor, but it was also obvious that even she wouldn’t dare act recklessly after confirming Lilia’s precognitive abilities.
‘I will win!’
She was filling her journal with more focus than ever, determined not to forget her dreams.
With that alone, she could not only rise to prominence again in Roam but also restore her fiancé, Maxel, to his rightful place.
‘I did consider choosing Heinri…’
Lilia had some sense of the situation and roughly knew that Heinri was a successor supported by the Empress.
But how much power could the support of an Empress who would soon collapse really bring? Moreover, he was the very person who had attended to Anelli in every way during her stay at the imperial palace.
Given the brief, albeit unfounded, rumors of an affair between Anelli and Heinri, she was reluctant to reach out to him.
‘Honestly, I’m not fond of Maxel either, but what choice do I have?’
Only two princes remained now, and between them, Maxel was the one more likely to be manipulated.
‘Hmm?’
Stretching her neck as she waited for the Duchess of Roam’s carriage, Lilia noticed something and paused.
That silver-haired woman leisurely strolling through the garden was Anelli.
Since arriving at the mansion, she always seemed busy with something, but today, for some reason, she appeared to be taking a break, enjoying the outside air.
“Those must be the guards they brought from outside,” Lilia muttered.
She could see two heavily armored knights following behind Anelli. She had heard that because of these knights, all the knights belonging to Roam despised Anelli.
They were the very ones who had acted aggressively when forming the pursuit team to capture Anelli initially.
After the incident where Arin Tosen was reported to the Temple during that process, she knew the resentment toward Anelli had grown even stronger.
‘And in such a situation, she brings in outside knights…’
Lilia’s eyes narrowed.
It was truly the peak of provocation.
Anelli herself seemed unconcerned by such sentiments, but that very attitude appeared to have wounded the knights’ pride.
‘The knights within the mansion are those who follow Sister Phrygian.’
The minor duke who had long established her foundation in Roam was Phrygian. Naturally, the knights had lived believing Phrygian would be the next duke.
If the Duke of Roam stepped forward to change the succession, those below would have no choice but to comply, but that didn’t mean their hearts would flip so easily.
‘They’ll fight among themselves and self-destruct.’
Lilia smiled triumphantly and glared at the back of Anelli’s head.
At that moment, by coincidence, Anelli looked back toward the mansion.
Startled, Lilia nearly stepped back reflexively, but she immediately steadied her legs, stood firm, and waved her hand.
Of course, she couldn’t tell if Anelli had seen her greeting.