A pitch-black river flowed.
The sky, immeasurably high, was red, and black rain fell upon the world.
My goddess was in despair.
“……I cannot hear it.”
The voice that had guided me, the blessing that had endowed my voice with power, had vanished.
“Like this…….”
My goddess had been defeated, and I too had been defeated.
The knight I had deeply trusted had betrayed me, succumbing to the enemy’s whispers, so there was nothing more I could do.
“You may resent me.”
A sorrowful voice reached my ear as I stood at the cliff’s edge, gazing blankly at the world.
“But I could not lose you.”
“Ah.”
Letting out a sigh, I slowly turned to look behind me. There stood my knight. As always.
Meeting his unwavering gaze, an immeasurable despair washed over me.
All this time, I had thought he was looking at the goddess’s proxy, but from the very beginning, he had been looking at me.
Why did I realize this so late?
“How does it feel to return to being a puppet of the gods?”
At my question, he pressed his lips into a firm line.
Seeing him like that, I felt not even resentment. Rather, pity was greater.
It was true he had been a loyal puppet of the gods, but ever since he regained his freedom through me, he had been the one at the forefront, condemning the gods more than anyone.
The man who had comforted me, saying that for the countless lives bound to follow inescapable fetters, death would be true freedom.
‘The one who rejoiced at existing as a person, not as a plaything of the gods…….’
What was it that turned him back into a puppet?
“Why?”
At my quiet question, his face contorted.
“Do you truly ask because you do not know?”
Could it be so disappointing that I do not acknowledge his feelings?
Did that emotion, like a wildfire whose spread is unknown, then cloud his eyes and lead him down a foolish path?
Was it my fault, for merely placing the daunting freedom into the hands of a newborn child, without teaching how to use it?
As I gazed at him with pitying eyes, he stubbornly furrowed his brow.
“What I desire is you, and the god promised to fulfill my wish.”
“My foolish first knight.”
An inevitable sigh escaped at his obstinate words.
Unlike the gods, who can at any time spin the threads of fate and set up puppets, the goddess’s proxy is not chosen recklessly.
And I, the goddess’s proxy, was her fragment and part.
“I cannot escape the god’s wrath.”
The god who birthed all things desires that the playthings he made move according to his will forever.
Whatever the god promised, its end would be a wretched mockery.
“…….”
I quietly looked down at my hands. They were the hands that had liberated those who, like puppets, had followed the divine will.
“Your naivete is pitiable.”
At my bitter muttering, his face twisted.
“If your annihilation lies at the end of this path, I cannot overlook it.”
“Birth is the will of the gods, but death is the will of life.”
The method the goddess chose to break the cycle of eternal life was to share her power with all the world.
That is to say…… gifting all living beings the freedom to die.
“It is not annihilation, but the exercise of the final power.”
In return, the goddess would disappear, but simultaneously, a balanced providence of life and death was to be completed for the entire world.
My final duty was also that. To offer all the power I possessed and complete this world’s providence.
“In an unbalanced world, puppets of the gods will always appear.”
Those puppets would draw others into their own fate like a spider’s web, bind them with threads, lead them to become new playthings of the gods, and thus trap them forever in an inescapable life…….
I wondered if that was what he desired. Was being with me, even if tightly bound by the threads of fate, what mattered?
Emotions, actions, judgments……. Everything would be predetermined, so what meaning would being together hold?
However, before I could ask, he spoke first.
“But even if all others become free through death, it would not be freedom for you. You…… would not be reborn.”
“That is my duty.”
“You said you would awaken all to the freedom of life. Then why do you not care for your own life?”
As he said this, he took one step closer to me. Just then, a cloud draped across the sky cast a slanting shadow upon his face.
“How can you awaken another’s life when your own life does not exist?”
His voice, mingled with resentment and pity, soaked my heart with a chilling dampness.
Surprisingly, his words sounded somewhat persuasive.
Come to think of it, since becoming the proxy, I had never once considered that I might live my own life.
My soul was dedicated to the goddess, so I had always regarded this life as something borrowed for a while and to be returned.
“My own life…….”
It was difficult to imagine myself not as the proxy. I didn’t even know if it was a problem I should contemplate now.
For I had now lost my power and become a mere human. And before me stood one who wished to keep me by his side, even if it meant making me a puppet of the gods.
Staring fixedly at his sword, which shone brilliantly white despite being soaked in blood, I moved my lips.
“Whose blood is that?”
“It belongs to those who blocked my path.”
With a bitter smile, I murmured.
“They were once those who exchanged smiles and greetings with you. Rejoicing in the freedom they had gained.”
He remained silent. Anguish showed on his complexion, but an even greater stubbornness coexisted with it.
“……It is all over. There are no more knights to bar my way, and you may lay down the heavy burden the goddess thrust upon you.”
“You do not even grant me time for mourning.”
Muttering with a bitter smile, I turned my gaze. Within my sight, at the foot of the sheer cliff, black river water churned violently.
Within those turbulent waters, the goddess’s power, which had run wild in its final moment and lost its place, had dissolved.
In the past, it would have posed no threat to me, but to my present self, it was threat enough.
“I promised them I would grant them rest, so wait. I made that promise.”
Muttering softly, I took one step closer to the cliff’s edge.
“To whom are you speaking?”
“To my knights.”
To my knights who trusted me, knelt willingly, and offered their necks.
How irresponsible and uncertain a promise that was.
Letting out a sighing breath, I slowly turned to look at Samuel.
“Sir Samuel.”
The shadow cast by the clouds lifted, revealing Samuel’s pallid, ashen complexion.
“Having lost the power to fulfill my duty, I suppose I must contemplate my life as you wish?”
I pulled up my parched lips into a faint smile. Samuel seemed to sense something and tried to approach me, but I shook my head and widened the distance between us.
Now the void was but a step away. I felt no fear.
I did not wish to be reduced to a plaything of the gods, and to avoid that, I had to endure even the wrathful power of the goddess.
Even if it meant forgetting my promise.
“For now, I wish to rest.”
And so, on this dark and gloomy day, I could only gladly accept the death granted to me.
* * *
When I opened my eyes, it was late at night.
Staring blankly at the ceiling, I slowly sat up.
‘A dream…….’
Disjointed scenes churned within my memory. Sitting there dazedly with my hand on my forehead, I turned my gaze toward the window.
The sound of rain came from outside.
As if entranced, I pushed aside the covers, got down, approached the window, and slightly lifted the curtain.
In the darkness, I saw a world drenched and sodden. It looked exactly like black rain.
‘……What a preposterous imagination.’
Erasing the thought that had unconsciously arisen, I pulled the curtain shut with force.
‘To dream of such a thing now, of all times.’
Was this truly something that happened in the past? Or was it an imagination conjured based on the information I had gathered so far?
Standing there dazedly with a confused face, I clenched my teeth.
Whichever it was, it likely held no particular significance.
‘If it truly happened, it’s already a past long gone, and if it’s imagination, I can just forget it.’
But even so, my mood remained low.
Because all the emotions felt by the ‘proxy’ in the dream still lingered throughout my body. Especially the emotion felt just before waking from the dream.
“Ha…….”
The emotion felt at that moment…… reminded me of when I faced my final moment on the execution platform.
A profound sense of futility and loneliness, an empty void.
The faint joy of finally being able to escape from everything……
“I should just go back to sleep.”
Shaking my head, I climbed back onto the bed. However, once I settled in and lay down, my mind instead grew increasingly alert.
Naturally, the scenes I had seen in the dream rose again in my mind.
I also recalled the name that had sprung forth at the end of the unbearably gloomy conversation.
‘Come to think of it, was Samuel also Samuel in the past?’
Despite being a soul that has undergone repeated reincarnations, unlike other Dullahans, to have lived under the same name…
It felt as if his obsession was that intense, which seemed somewhat frightening.
‘Even without this, I feel like I’m getting drunk on past emotions and misconstruing my feelings about him.’
I’m not sure if I should keep him in this mansion. Having a rough idea of how he betrayed and what our final moment was like made me even more uneasy.
Sitting up again on the edge of the bed, I sank into thought. Then, unconsciously, I began fiddling with the ring.
I hadn’t particularly intended to activate the ring. I had merely forgotten that touching the ring activates it.
“Huh?”
Only upon seeing the glowing ring did I pull my hand away, but it was already too late.
My vision swayed, and for a moment, my head spun. Strength left my body, my limbs went slack, but I did not feel the sensation of collapsing onto the bed.
As if being sucked into something, my consciousness flickered. It all happened in an instant.
And when I regained my senses……
‘Huh……?’
Surprisingly, the place where I was sitting was the imperial palace guest room.
To be precise, on the guest room bed.
That is to say…… right next to the sleeping Xenon.